Evil Gerald

Fans of male-menopausal thought-rockers were slightly taken aback recently with the recent announcement that Bono (above) and Elvis Costello (above) have reached agreement on a far-reaching hat-sharing and glasses-exchanging treaty, recently.

The ageing singers, who have developed an alarming mutual resemblance in all areas of their behaviour, appearance and cultural pronouncements, have decided to make it all official by setting in writing just how much they’re going to copy each other. It is understood that Elvis Costello (not his real name) will get to wear the pork-pie hat on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays but not the black framed glasses, while Bono (not his – or indeed anyone’s – real name) gets the hat on weekends but also has full talking-shite-about-art privileges. Sources tell us that Bono, who has become something of a windbag on everything from Francis Bacon (“He was, like, the Cat in the Hat with a paintbrush”) to Gay Byrne (“You’re my real dad”), lobbied particularly hard for the latter concession.

In a statement released soon after, nobody cares.

Lack of Rioting clearly demonstrates public support, claims Ahern

A lack of rioting on the capital’s streets over the last few days clearly demonstrates public support for the government, it was claimed by Taoiseach Bertie Ahern today. Despite lagging, sagging and possibly even flagging support in a recent national poll of voters, revelations at two separate Tribunals, and the teachers strike, the government is pleased that people have not thronged the byways of Dublin in a violent conflagration of dissent.Ahern also noted with satisfaction the absence of angry mobs roaming the city’s streets burning him in effigy and stomping on the Irish flag, interpreting that as “a major vote of confidence”.

Highlighted Section attracts Attention

A highlighted section of study notes belonging to Trinity student Philip Flood attracted his attention whilst glancing over them for an essay. Some sections of the seemingly irrelevant passages were highlighted with a ‘Stabilo Boss’ marker in a flourescent colour and caught his eye. “I didn’t remember reading this and I didn’t think I needed to know it, but because it was highlighted it caught my attention and caused me to read it.” Philip finished his essay and vowed to use more highlighters in the future, in particularly nearer the exams, “If I highlighted really important passages from my notes then I would never forget the most important parts and the bright colours would always attract my attention.”

Wanker memorabilia to be displayed in Museum

A new show opened in the Modern Art Centre in Temple Bar showcasing Wanker Memorabilia entitled “What Wankers”. The main attraction of the show centres on a once-fashionable BMW currently woefully out of favour in hip circles. Other attractions include gigantic mobile phones once hauled around with great difficulties by utter wankers, uselessly fecky filofaxes, pointlessly deep-water resistant watches, shiny linen suits, over-sized Levi’s belt buckles and sports casuals Pringle wear.

Attending the opening of the display, current wanker Paul Rhys-Gibbon said, “This brings back so many hilarious memories for me personally, I mean what was I thinking? I was never going to be 300 feet under water and I didn’t even play golf when I was wearing those clothes! I never, ever had anything written of importance in my filofax, and when was I ever going to use that street map of Tokyo inside?”. When questioned as to whether he would be attending any further Wanker memorabilia shows, he stated that technology had now reached its pinnacle and was unlikely to change. “My impossibly small WAP internet, email and photo-sending mobile phone are certainly never going to be out of fashion and these over-sized combats will never be ridiculed by future pretenders to my thrown, just like my novelty mobile cover and holder. Word!”

School Students Protest Teacher Strike, Loot Urban Outfitters

Who said radicalism was dead? The secondary school students of Ireland showed their elders how to do it yesterday with a morning of protest in the city centre, followed by an afternoon spent shoplifting, blocking footpaths, and smashing and looting clothes shop Urban Outfitters.

Angered at the ongoing industrial action by members of the ASTI teaching union, which threatens to derail this summer’s Junior Cert and Leaving Cert exams, students from dozens of County Dublin schools converged on the city centre. While most simply wandered the streets or gathered in parks to shift each other, occasionally waving signs at passing cars in a semblance of political activity, a sizeable group did manage to get it together enough to gather outside the Dail and chant repetitive slogans, all the time itching to disperse and go loot Urban Outfitters and other fashionable shops in the city centre.

As the first report into the phenomenon landed on his desk, the handsome businessman allowed himself a rare, and hence painful, smile. “I knew it,” says Schatz. “I fucking knew it. Porn.”

Crocware 5.7, the latest software release from the Crocware Corporation, has confirmed what the company now claims it knew all along: web surfers spend most of their personal web time looking for pornographic images and other adult content – the filthier the better. Such is the demand for this kind of crap that Crocware CEO, Dave Schatz, says anyone not now catering to this market is “batshit”. “Spyware is a mug’s game!” says the ebullient bloodsucker. “Why make software – a thankless, labour-intensive process – when any idiot can make a buck in porn?”

It’s an argument that more and more traditional economists are calling “completely irrefutable”. There are few left at Crocware Corp. who do not now believe that easily accessible, reasonable quality porn is the way forward.

“We said it to our investors right from the start of our spying-on-people’s-computers-to-see-what-they-do-project. We said, ‘You know, it’s probably porn’. But we let them know: just to be sure, we’re going to take your $5,000,000 and develop this product. Then we’re going to surreptitiously install it on 20% of the personal computers out there. Once we’ve tracked sites visited, terms searched and such-like, we’ll get back to you with some figures.

But just so you know – we’re calling it for porn right from the start.”

And now, it’s a satisfied Dave Schatz that begins to pack his personal belongings into a cardboard box. His 18 co-workers have almost finished packing their own boxes. Everything is ready for a quick escape. The offices will move to Santa Barbara and shooting on “Spray Misty For Me” will begin within a week.

“We want to come clean on this one,” BNFL chief executive, Norman Askew, said at a press conference last night. “We have been remiss in our handling of our dangerous nuclear rubbish. Things would be a whole lot better if we had just covered it up.”
He was speaking after British Nuclear Fuels admitted stupidity and gross incompetence in its fabrication of safety records relating to its shipment of plutonium to Japan for reprocessing. The shipment subsequently had to make the dangerous 10,000 mile journey back to Sellafield when the Japanese would not accept it.

“Yup, the Japs copped on that we were lying through our teeth. And I have to admit that we were wrong,” said a visibly shaken Mr Askew, “to have owned up”. He went on to say “I admit that my handling of this cover-up was appalling”.

Meanwhile, when contacted by The Evil Gerald over a shortage of the iodine tablets meant to protect Irish citizens in the event of a nucelar accident at Sellafield, a spokes man for the Department of Energy said “Aha yeah! The tablets thing! I can’t believe you went for that. We really didn’t see that one coming. You’ll have to excuse me for a minute while I pick myself up off the floor”. He later joked that “We’re all screwed anyway”, before inquiring what we were doing “after”.

ACCORDING to a damning internal report seen by The Evil Gerald, Dublin’s maternity hospitals are being clogged up by large numbers of women – some of whom are pregnant.

The women, many of whom are in advanced stages of pregnancy, are taking up Eastern Health Board hospitals at an alarming rate, and having large numbers of babies in Holles Street, the Coombe and the Rotunda maternity hospitals as well as taking up beds in many of Dublin’s other hospitals.

The report blames the trend on large numbers of women becoming pregnant simply in order to have a baby and therefore secure expensive families for themselves and their spouses.

These women are depriving hospital authorities of valuable space for essential drink-related accident and emergency cases. A&E wards are known to be under severe pressure and struggling to cope with the large numbers of stomach pumpings and treatment of head kickings. This is a direct result of these new mothers who insist on getting themselves pregnant and, if they are working, often taking paid maternity leave to do so.

This madness must end. The Evil Gerald calls on An nGhovairnmáint na hÉireann to move immediately to introduce new legislation, at the earliest possible opportunity, to stop these baby machines from using the system for their own benefit.

Using weight loss products may influence the entire organism, and not just the body weight. Taking diet pills can truly help a person follow a diet and lose weight because all these medications, either prescribed by a doctor or being over the counter pills, function by suppressing the appetite.

Scientists stated that satiety is associated to several biochemical processes in the organism. The fat cells and the gastrointestinal tract emit the signals of fullness, converging with the signals from the central nervous system. Diet pills that act by suppressing the appetite actually focus on serotonin and norepinephrine, which represent the key neurotransmitters involved in satiety. The sensation of fullness is induced by high levels of serotonin, while the high levels of norepinephrine decrease the appetite by stimulating the central nervous system.

But what should we take when we wish to lose weight? Medications prescribed by doctor or over the counter products?

Yacon Molasses is a natural supplement that does not require a prescription and acts like a powerful appetite suppressant throughout the entire day. Containing pure and organic Yacon root, this efficient product supports the weight loss process, suppresses the appetite and increases the metabolic rate in short time after starting using it, while not causing any unwanted side effects. Read more information about this product on the website yaconmolassesinfo.com

The weight loss drugs that need prescriptions which are most common are amphetamine-like drugs, phentermine, diethylpropion, sibutramine and orlistat. But these medications are only recommended for short time use, because they can generate tolerance and also result in drug dependence and abuse. The unwanted side effects include many symptoms, such as personality changes, irritability, depression, chest pain, edema, trouble breathing, kidney and gallbladder stones and many others.

These medications should be avoided by people suffering from heart diseases, high blood pressure, glaucoma, thyroid problems, diabetes or epilepsy. Because of the interaction of these drugs with other medications, it is recommended to inform the doctor before deciding to use this weight loss drugs.

The OTC diet supplements that suppress the appetite can also produce unwanted side effects. Many products designed to assist people lose weight may do much harm than actually help. CLA may cause stomach upset, chromium gives headaches and dizziness, green tea extract may cause liver damage, guarana increases the blood pressure and ephedra can produce cardiovascular problems.

It is important to seek the advice of a doctor before using a weight loss product, even if you decided upon a natural supplement. Inform your doctor about your allergies and the medication you already take, if there is any.

If you wish to lose weight and take a natural supplement that does not produce unwanted side effects, consider taking Yacon Molasses. Suppressing the appetite, increasing the energy and promoting a healthy metabolism, Yacon Molasses will help you achieve the weight loss that you desire, while also promoting an overall health.

Try Yacon Molasses along with a healthy diet and a routine of workouts and you will enjoy the results quite quickly.

Usually most cases of Hives do not need to be treated because the symptoms are often mild and the condition gets better on its own within a short period of days. The severe conditions will require proper treatment. To determine the treatment to be used the condition can be defined as short-term Hives or Long-term Hives.

Short-Term Hives Treatment

If the symptoms of acute Hives (urticaria) persist then you can buy antihistamine medication which you can get over the counter at the local pharmacies.

Antihistamines

The effect of antihistamines on the body is to block histamine. They stop the symptoms of itchiness and also reduce the rash. Examples of antihistamines are:

· Fexofenadine
· Cetirizine
· Loratadine

Most people do not get drowsy after using the modern antihistamines. General practitioners (GP) may prescribe chlorphenamine or hydroxyzine to those who have problems sleeping at night.

Corticosteroid Tablets

These treatment may be prescribed to those with severe symptoms.it is usually short course and includes high dose corticosteroid tablets like prednisolone. Corticosteroids works to suppress the body immune system, hence urticaria symptoms are suppressed. The recommended dose of prednisolone is a three to five day course.

Long term use of steroid tablets is never recommended due the many side effects and complications associated such as glaucoma, cataracts, diabetes and high blood pressure.

Long-Term Hives Treatment

This involves the treatment of chronic Hives and is done to control the symptoms and avoid any triggers that could worsen the existing symptoms. The patient may also be referred to a dermatologist if the condition also includes angioedema.

Antihistamines

Antihistamines are also used as treatment for chronic Hives. The treatment will last for as long as the symptoms last. As is the case with short-term treatment you may be prescribed a combination of both the non-drowsy and drowsy antihistamines to help get some sleep. You can increase the dose to help control symptoms that did not respond to earlier treatment but this should be as per doctor’s instructions.

Rupatadine which is a newer type of antihistamine has proved effective more the more severe cases of chronic Hives.

Menthol Cream

This can be used both as an alternative to or in addition to antihistamines. They have been proven to greatly relieve itchiness.

Corticosteroid Tablets

Short doses of corticosteroid tablets can be used to treat the serious episodes of urticaria. The side effects that are likely to occur include weight gain due to the increased appetite, mood change and insomnia. Prolonged use of the tablets is not recommended as mentioned in the short-term treatments.

H2 Antihistamines

They are useful in chronic Hives treatment as they help narrow blood vessels. This helps to reduce the redness of the skin. Side effects are uncommon but may include:

· headache
· diarrhea
· dizziness

Narrowband Ultraviolet Phototherapy

This is a treatment that involves exposing the area of the skin to high-energy ultraviolet light. The light helps clear the persistent area of the rash. Usually the sessions are two to five session a week and most people would require twenty sessions before a significant symptoms improvement.

Leukotriene Receptor Antagonists

These are a type of medication that reduce the redness and swelling of the skin. They are the most useful long-term alternative to using corticosteroid tablets as they carry a lower risk of side effects.

Cyclosporine

It is a powerful treatment that has proved effective in the treatment of chronic urticaria. It works in the same way corticosteroids.

Diet

Two groups of chemicals are found in food and may trigger Hives in some people. The chemicals are vasoactive amines and salicylates. Symptoms may improve by avoiding or reducing the intake of the chemicals.

Triggers Avoidance

Avoiding the triggers you know that cause the symptoms of Hives to worsen can help keep the condition under control. Alcohol and caffeine can easily be avoided.

All over the world discussions about Dear Antler Velvet are head. Most people talk about its effectiveness and how it improves ones health. People look only at the finished product which is being sold in the market but they do not help to comprehend the source of the raw materials.

What is this product?
The products come from a dear. The deer animal is unique in its own ways. It is the only mammal animal in the world which has the ability to shed off its antlers and be able grow another every year. When it starts to grow a new part of antlers, there is always a smooth and fuzzy growth on outside. It scrubs off the smooth growth of the outside to show the hard interior after full growth. The epidermis is shed from the antlers by the dear. The epidermis has all the medicinal values. This ingredient called AntlerX being as a supplement and also for medicinal values dates back to the Chinese historical background. The information was found on a scroll in the greater Hunan province of China placed in a tomb. It was then believed that the scroll had about 2000 years. Since it was written. Herbalists from china concluded that the deer antler velvet was a special kind of substance that could be said to have a high value due to traits; anyone who used it was added more energy, greater vitality and steadiness or stamina. The overall health benefits and values are attributed to its high content of hormones.

What is its importance?

Dear Antler velvet has a myriad of essential nutrients, which are very helpful to the human body. Anyone who undertakes or decides to use this supplement does not experience results at that particular moment but over a period of time the results starts to show forth. Any particular product such as AntlerX which is chosen by users must always contain a mass of at least 500mg of deer antler velvet in any particular capsule. Products not containing this mass is regarded as not reached to the mark and are inferior hence not effective. Efficient manufacturers of AntlerX Dear Antler velvet will always give instructions on how it can be used to yield results, as explained in their website called www.antlerx.org. Instructions given are meant to be followed to the latter. Any diversion from the instructions is not recommended if anyone is in need of good results of the substance.

Deer velvet extract also is known to influence the absorption of nutrients in body especially in the muscle cells. It is noticed that after strenuous and tedious work people taking these supplements recover and get well faster since important nutrients and proteins are absorbed or taken in by the muscles .Bodybuilders taking the supplements lift weights very for longer periods compared to the ones not taking the extract. Athletes are able to run and perform at a greater intensity and strength during the competition or practice. This is because IGF-1 is absorbed and taken to the body. Circulation of blood in all parts of the body is improved and also the respiratory (air passage up to the lungs and thin membrane containing capillaries) functions are enhanced making breathing efficient hence enough oxygen gets into the brain.

Dear Antler velvet is not medicine, but has nutritional and medicinal values.

Interior design & decoration is an important aspect of aesthetics and home decor. There are many intricate details of home decor and smaller details which form the core aspect of interior decoration. Interior decoration is a vast area and varies from country to country. Usually, services of a professional interior designer are utilized while carrying out this process. Interior designer is well equipped with handling a variety of aspects and aids a home owner in converting the interior space into an effective place for a wide range of activities.

Usually, in the older days, interior design & decoration was not a field in itself. The building construction professionals took care of the process in an indirect way. Due attention was not given to details and it was the responsibility of the home owner to personalize the space and building. However, in recent times, interior decoration is classified as a separate field. Professional interior decorators aid in improving the home. Interior design & decoration is also seen as a lucrative profession with good future prospects. There are several educational institutions which offer full time courses on interior decoration & design. The enrollments to such courses are on a rise in the last few years. Professional interior decoration is seen as a serious profession with ample opportunities for growth and scalability.
Interior decoration deals with a wide range of items. Elementary things include, assessing the looks of a living room and suggesting appropriate furniture, wall decors, paintings, statues, etc. This elementary task is completed by taking a lot of inputs from the home owner and members of the family. Other aspects including appropriate design and decoration of other areas of a house like drawing room, veranda, kitchen, bed rooms etc. Interior decorators recommend various home decor items based on the household budget. This includes suggesting suitable types of furniture like couches, tables, chairs, carpets, beds etc. Some interior designers are also well versed in other aspects like Feng Shui. They suggest placement of artifacts and statues which are in line with the Feng Shui philosophy. Believers of Feng Shui may find it appropriate to consider such interior designers. Interior designers also help in improving the look and appeal of other areas of house like kitchen, balcony, garden etc.
It may be appropriate to avail services of an interior designer prior to house construction. This will help the designer plan better and advise on various aspects. This will ensure that the interior designer is in a better position to recommend options. The interior designer may also help you in deciding other aspects of home decor like windows, doors, curtains, special flooring, marble structures etc. It is a good idea to hire a qualified designer who has experience decorating similar types of buildings. A household may have little use to a corporate interior designer. Likewise, a company may have little use to a retail interior designer. People with an already existing house can hire a professional interior decorator to improve the visual appeal of the house. This may also include some amount of renovation. A well executed interior decoration activity will improve the aesthetics and contribute to the happiness of household members. For more interior design ideas, go here.

In their quest to develop a firmer and tighter breasts, women have tried almost all the remedies available in the market (even if it means using dangerous breast enhancement products) to shape their breast and make them look sexy once again. Amazingly, among these women, not all are quite willing to go for a breast surgery. Not only is it costly, but there is no guarantee of getting the results they want.
But there is nothing as irritating as trying out every cream and pill in the market only to find no significant change. In fact, you may end up going for breast augmentation–the very costly option you didn’t want.

Developing larger breasts naturally seem to be an impossibility to most women who don’t know the secret. If you are that kind of person, i am here to tell you to think again because there’s a solution to your torment–Natural breast enhancement, and they are as follows;

1 Consider Breast massage
If you are wondering how to correct undersized breasts, or sagging breasts for that matter, you can use breast massage to regain the shape and tightness of your breast again. It works this way; when you massage breast tissues regularly, it facilitates breast tone and promote healthy breast growth. According to Sens Research Foundation, a regular massage performed around the area of your boobs will make them respond by shaping up due to tissue growth. As a result, you end up with just the perfect breast you’ve always desired. Not only are you shaping up your breast, but it also gives you the opportunity to detect any tell-tale signs that might show early stages of cancer.

2 Consider using herbal breast enhancement
A number of women who correct their breast by way of massage also use herbal remedy to help their boobs acquire the desired fullness, toning and attractiveness in just weeks. You don’t have to suffer low self esteem due to sagged breasts while you can repair them at no cost whatsoever.

A good natural breast enhancement for treating your breast is saw palmetto. If you can’t get this one, use fennel seeds, fenugreek, soy, wild yam, dandelion, or blessed thistle. Still, if you can’t access any of these, take the most basic ingredient found in every kitchen–onion juice mixed with a little honey and tumeric in powder form, to do the trick. In fact, this combination works wonders, you can correct your sagging breast in no time. However, after massaging, you are advised to put on a bra all day and night before the next shower session.

3 If you must use pills, go for the herbal tablets like Breast Actives. Most women who use some breast enlargement pills claim that their breasts improve for some time and eventually return to normal size once they cease using the pills. However, conflicting information from the manufacturers of these pills reveal that their products improve breasts by 1 or 2 inches within a time frame of 3 months. But that just it, they don’t tell you what will happen next.

However, Breast Actives herbal pills contain ingredients that work by accelerating the production of oestrogen in ones body, exactly the same way it’s produced during pregnancy. The result is big breast, only that there will be no milk this time.

4 Healthy diet
Your problem could be in your dietary lifestyle. Breasts are just fatty tissues embedded below the surface of the skin. No doubt, a healthy diet plan can boost the quality of your breast tissues. Eat more of foods containing vitamins A, C and E–very good for the skin. But drinking lots of water is not to be ex-communicated from this dietary plan. In fact, water flushes out toxins from your body hence improving the condition of these tissues.

In conclusion, breast improvement is a major concern among several women. Extra care should be taken when selecting remedies in the market. Others might be quite harmful, while others may not give results, just a total waste of money. Again, different women have different genetic structures, meaning-not everything you are told will sync well with your body. Visit this website to read more on this topic.

Nails are the most delicate part of a human body and even a small infection may cause severe pain for an individual. If you are also suffering the same pain and are not sure about the nail fungus treatment, then don’t worry you are not alone looking for cure for your nail infection. Nail infections are common and are difficult and painful to treat. Though there are many creams and lotions available in market which claims to be effective for nail fungus treatment. Among them, Zetaclear proved to be the most effective fungus treatment.

Nail fungus are easily infectious disease which can cause a huge problem for you. One should keep his nail clean and dry to avoid any such infections that may become painful at a later stage. An individual suffering from nail infection can go to a doctor for the treatment. Among the various treatment procedure oral medication is one such way to get rid of the nail fungus infection. These medicines prescribed by the doctor can help an individual to grow new nails which is free of infection and which can fix your problem in a less span of time.
The other way of treatment is through antifungal lacquer, or topical medications or through surgery. Antifungal lacquer is mostly prescribed by the doctor for mild nail infections. This lacquer is used on the affected area once in a day and slowly it dries up the infection leaving the fresh skin out of the flesh.
Topical medication is another most popular treatment option prescribed by a doctor where an individual has to apply the cream to the infected area as per the directions by the doctor. These medicine contains urea which are helpful in the treatment of the infected nail.
One can also gpo through surgery which will help them in removing the infected part and thereby letting the new nail to grow in its place. One can also use laser treatment for nail fungus infection. Apart from the medicinal treatment called Zetaclear one should also take care of certain home based activities which can help the individual to prevent the spread of the infections.
You should allow the infected area to breathe some air as moist shoes and shock may increase the fungus infection making it worst. One can also rub Vick’s Vapor to the affected area to avoid any kind of sealing moisture. A solution of water and vinegar is also a good home based treatment for getting rid of the fungus infection. This solution when done on a regular basis can help in curing the disease in less time. So if you are tired of various nail fungus treatment and are looking a permanent solution to get rid of this disease then try the above options. Medicine along with few home remedies and prevention is the best method of fungus treatment.
One should consult a doctor in the initial stage of the fungus infection so as to cure it within a specified or else it may take few months for complete cure from the disease. Since it’s a repeat infection, hence one should take precaution and medicine on time.