Who's at the top of the bottom?

1. Tricia Riordan - formerly of O'Connell street, now working out of her premises just outside Doheny and Nesbitt's pub on Baggot street she hits the top spot after placing only 617 last year. The jump was brought on by her growing addiction to heroin, the fashionable narcotic that is the bane of the world of poverty, which cut her net wealth by 87% - rocketing her into the top spot.

2. David Wallace - once a successful executive in a midlands bank, he reached the top by a series of breakdowns following the death of his wife. Missing out of the top spot because of his continued ownership of several photographs of the children he hasn't seen for over 12 years (sentimentality does get in the way of poverty). If his wife was still alive he could be in the top spot by dividing his wealth with her.

3. Jennifer Crotty - this fourteen year old has a promising music career ahead of her, having already mastered both strings of her guitar. She is currently under the street management of Steven Burke, who's shrewdness keeps her at the top of the poors.

4. Vernon Jameson - A qualified computer programmer originally from Florida in the USA he spent time in jail for mail fraud, and despite several attempts to find gainful employment after serving his time and a spotless record afterwards he has been unable to do so. He does not remember how he got to Ireland, and is attempting to return to the USA to collect his social security payments.

5. Ian Sharpie - suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder following his experiences in the Lebanon as a peace keeper for the UN this former soldiers appears mad to many, but he is really just reliving the experience of watching several of his friends obliterated by a landmine over and over again. He has moved into the top 5 this year with the slow theft of all his possessions. Were he in proper care he might have been able to keep hold of them, but then he wouldn't be the subject of so much adulation.

Tricia Riordan enjoys the comforts of the latest in body heat retention systems.

Pictured prior to his move to new premises, Vernon Jameson at work in the advertising business, which brings him into the top 5.